User blog:Sithfanjedi/My Resignation, And Why I'm Saying Goodbye To The Sandbox

When I had first returned to this community, after a few years of inactivity, I had sworn that I would not disappoint those who were close to me on here again.

Yet here I am, doing exactly that...

I had planned on leaving the Sandbox quietly, as I did not want to stir melancholy for those I was friends with. But after deep reflection this past week I decided I owed not only them, but the entire community, an explanation as to why I've decided to do this.

Explanation
As some of you may have already noted over these last few months, my activity on the Sandbox was much less frequent. I had realised this trend was starting to form as the end of the current RP I was in at the time - Reign of Chaos - was drawing to a close. Many times I had tried to counteract against these issues by joining more RPs in the hope that it would once again stir myself back to normal.

Though, as it may have also been noted, that didn't exactly work out.

I've realised now that the issue was the prolonged death of my love for roleplaying - like the scene from Titanic where Jack sinks into the ocean, only it was youtube and slowed down to 0.25 speed. Posting replies to RPs I am in, and also for general writing now I come to think of it, feels like a chore. After trudging through for long enough I've come to accept that I don't believe I'll ever return to the state I was at, and that just kills me on the inside.

In Conclusion
These past few years have been much better than anything before then - and I can only truely thank the Sandbox for making it so. I've met so many great people that it feels dirty of me to leave them behind like this. But as my love for roleplaying has diminished, and as I become fatigued by my efforts to try return to the state I was once in, I feel it is the best if I just clear my mind and move forward with whatever I pursue.

I truely wish, with all my heart, that the Sandbox continues to thrive and grow - and that there are more to take the mantle as previous roleplayers go.

Before I go, there are a few people I want to mention who deserve to know that I have appreciated everything they have done for me during my time here, as I feel it is the fairest thing I could do in the position I am in.

Eilonwyn & Psychomantis108: Putting into words my appreciation for everything you have both done for me throughout my entire time of being in this community is something I struggle putting into words, so the simplest way I could put it is Thank you so fucking much. You have been such amazing friends, who have helped me out with so much, that I feel lucky to have been the one to have it. I had no idea that by joining a little out of the way roleplay called 'The Legend of Nirn' that I would be faced with some of the nicest people I have ever met.

TL:DR: Thanks for being there for me through all these years!

Lazarus Grimm: We had sparcely talked before the Sandbox, but after moving here I am glad you were one of the first I got to know. Not only were you an amazing writer with a talent for making one of my favourite RPs of all time (Forgotten Archives: Magnum Opus), but you were also a great friend to me who I could not appreciate more. When there were times when I myself felt horrible, I knew that I could talk to you. Never give up on writing, because in a couple of years I could see you writing screenplays that rival modern day masterpieces -  such as The Room.

Also, sorry for not being able to participate in Elder Effect.

The Poetic Dragon: While there were certainly steep bumps in our relationship, I still appreciated that he was there for me, and I am glad that I was always there for him to talk to whenever he needed me. Though he appears to not be active right now, I wish him the best for the future, and that he could once again.

Apollo42: Even though she is also temporarily gone, I write this here in the hopes that she can understand my appreciation of our friendship. While there were some incidents from time to time, I am gracious for the times we have talked and appreciate all we have been through. I hope she knew that I was always there to talk to if she needed to, as I value the times when I needed people to talk to.

I apologise if there is anybody else that I have not remembered to write down: I value everything you have done for me as much as anybody else above.

I wish that someday I could return to this Sandbox with a bright smile on my face - back in a spot where I was before. But unless there is a time when my love for writing returns, I cannot see myself returning here soon. I am sorry to everybody here for doing this - and eruptly too - and hope that if there ever is an opportunity, that I can sincerely make it up to each and every one of you I value for doing this.

I wish you all the very best going forward in life, and that someday you'll be able to forgive me.

From the Unofficial, Unelected and certainly Unqualified Sandbox Counseller and friend...

-Sithfanjedi