Board Thread:Roleplaying/@comment-3293219-20160406152407/@comment-5583506-20160407042141

(Aight, pie-train. Warning, this post might come of as depressive.)

Seeing how dispirited the group had turned. How beaten and how broken the world seemed to have become. The sisters had decided to take their leave. It was something that Shakti had been planning on for a long time, but hadn't made the call to actually go through with it as she felt it would have been a treason against the very idea the group was first formed: to stop Jagar Tharn and his regime of pure tyranny. But the very moment she could sense the doubt and ever-growing despair in Gabriel's heart, she had taken the decision to get herself and her sisters away from the looming destruction as soon as possible, not wanting them to the next victims in this seemingly lost cause.

Four months had now passed, though it felt like four decades in Shakti's mind. They had gotten themselves a little hideout in the wilderness, cramped into the side of a mossy creek with a stream flowing below. Here they could live in peace from bandits, the Legion, or whatever devilry the world would send back at them. Siri seemed quite content to finally be able to be with her Ki'Nai. Shakti was happy for her sake, yet felt a sting of envy and sadness everytime she looked at them. Gabriel... wherever he was... whatever he was doing... She didn't know what had happened between them. Was it something she had done? Something she had said? She did not know, and that was what was bothering her deeply. It hurt her just thinking about it. To cope with herself she had taken up work alongside Sari and Suri as mercenaries, blades for hire. It wasn't an honest line of work, nor the prettiest. But at least it paid well. And it helped her to keep her mind of Gabriel.

''Why won't he talk to this one? Is it over? It's truly over, isn't it?''

"Shakti..."

''This one just wants him back. This one just everything to be like it used to be.''

"Shakti!"

''She loves him so much... but if he doesn't want to know about Shakti, then why is it so hard to let him go?''

"SHAKTI!"

An aggressive voice pulled her back to reality where she found herself face-to-face with a sharp halberd that nearly missed her face. She was out of touch with herself, constantly lost in thought. If she had spent just another moment lost in her own reflections these bandits would have made her life so much simpler. But maybe that was what she wanted? It hurt her after all just thinking back on all those happier moments with Gabriel. Those moments where she had believed that there actually was a future waiting for her in some brighter Tamriel. But if those dreams couldn't come true, she would be much happier not having any dreams at all, or a life at all.

"Shakti, for fuck sake!" snarled Suri and knocked the stunned spear-wielding Khajiit out of the way. "Snap out of it!"

"Just slash those Khajiiti cunts to bi..." the voice of a nearby bandit with a wooden club fell abruptly silent as a crossbow bolt pierced his forehead.

"Whoopsie!" chirped Sari and immediately reloaded another bolt from the tight spot above where she was sitting, ready to rain fire down upon the criminals.

"Bloody hell, they got backup!" shouted another bandit. "Lock your shields and face the sky, boys. We've gotta win this!"

"And so do we", hissed Suri in Shakti's ear, though the younger sister could tell that Shakti was completely out of touch and out of reach.

Shakti swallowed hard and slowly approached. Her expression reflected that of concern. No rage or bloodlust was visible. Just the face of someone who was more likely to drop her weapons then and there and kneel, ready to accept whatever fate was in store for her. Yet she didn't. Her spear felt it weighed a hundred times its original weight, and she didn't know why. She felt it as if she was ready to just sink through the ground completely.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">''Better to disappear than be heartbroken... Why does it hurt so much?''

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Shakti!" growled Suri again, waking Shakti up.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Whatever happened from that moment and onward Shakti couldn't recall. It all went so fast and in a blur. The next time she heard Suri call out to her again, she was coated in blood of numerous bandits. A steel dagger was buried deep within her side. She didn't even feel the pain.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">''Was that... a bandit? Or was it myself?''

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Oh, fucking hell", cursed Suri, wiping some blood and sweat from her forehead as she struggled to rip some clothing off a fallen bandit to tie up Shakti's wound. "The bleeding won't stop. Why didn't you dodge the blow, as I told you?! Why?!"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">''When... when did you tell me that?''

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Shakti just looked at her younger sister quizzically, furrowing her eyebrows.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"She is delirious", said Sari. "We should take her back to the hideout."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"She may be delirious, but it's not from some fucking bloodloss", wheezed Sari and slapped Shakti hard across the cheek.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Shakti flinched from the pain, slowly stroking the spot where she had been hit.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"You felt that?! Good! You got some bloody deathwish perhaps, but what about us? What about your sisters who care for you? Fucking selfish of you to just have these thoughts. Let go of that piece of shit already!"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Suri!" exclaimed Sari, thinking her sister was taking it to the extreme.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"It's true, and Shakti should bloody well know it! This one knows that she does! Look at all this love-dovey bullshit that has been going on. What good has ever come out of it? First there was that Argonian with Siri. Moons knows what became of him. Then there was Sari who got ditched for no other reason that the man was being an impatient bastard and had trouble choosing between two women. And now this... Gabriel... Why not let him go already? Those dreams you have wished for are never going to come true, and you know that! There is no happiness in this fucking world except for the one we make for ourselves! Gabriel obviously thought so, and that's why he isn't here with you! He is off to who-even-gives-a-shit because it would make him happy!"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Shakti could barely hear what Suri was saying. Or at least, she couldn't hear her voice, but she could comprehend the words. Putting them together one by one and slowly coming to realise that tragic truth behind them. There was indeed no happiness for her here. No rainbow beyond the horizon. It was just she and her spear... and a continent ruled by an unstoppable madman. Her dreams... were to remain just that. Dreams... The dreams of one day laying down her spear, living a quiet life with the man she loved, raising a family in an unnamed town, living in a world untormented by power-hungry tyrants.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">As Shakti was kneeling in the center of the bandit camp, blood gushing out from her wound, she clutched her hand to the damage. Tears began to trickle from her eyes and her lips began to tremble as she spoke.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Please... stop..." she sobbed softly.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Why?! It's obvious that these thoughts of him ever coming back are going to get you killed! And this one would rather die than see you die because of all this bullshit that has occurred to each and everyone of you! What the fuck is the matter with all of you by the way? Falling for complete assholes who will only drag you down with them and make you feel responsible for that it didn't turned out the way it should have? The only lovers a woman will ever need is called reason and sense. Yet the three of you seemed to have missed these wonders!"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Sari just eyed Suri under silence with a mix of contempt and understanding.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Suri swears that if Gabriel shows up again, she will kill him. Enough is enough of this shit. Give up on these dreams of your, Shakti! They will never come true! They will only fill you with false, worthless, shit-filled hope and drag you into the ground until you are willing to take your own life!"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"S-stop", pleaded Shakti, not having the energy to argue back.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Suri, calm down", said Sari. "Can't we... can't we just head back to the hideout? We can collect the bounty on these bastards... tomorrow, yes?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Suri shot Sari a sour stare before she eventually heaved Shakti up from the ground. "Keep that old cloth pressed to the wound. Siri will have to fix that up, once we reach the hideout."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Shakti had never felt this dispirited in her entire life. Not even when she was back with the group. She doubted that any of them would miss her or even notice her abscence. She never made much sound or ruckus. Neither of her sisters did... apart from Sari. She wanted to disappear... to... to die... Yet she was no coward. She couldn't bring herself to end her life by her own hand, even if she wanted to. Perhaps it was some sort of part of her subconscious that was putting her into this sort of danger, letting herself get stabbed in the gut. It was unbecoming of her. It was selfish, just as Suri had said. What would the three of them do without her? She was their guiding light, and here she was having thoughts to end it all for her own sake.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">But the pain of knowing that there was nothing in store for her was overwhelming. What would she do with her life? Kill bandits? Sit in a chair back at the hideout and watch as the sun would rise and settle in the distance? That wasn't a life. In fact, that wasn't even the shadow of a life. At least not the life she had been planning to live. Yet as Gabriel had started to fade out of her existence, she had slowly begun to accept the fact that her story wouldn't have a happy ending to it. How could it, when every waking moment she was thinking of where he was and what he was doing caused her such tremendous pain? If that what was her life was going to be like, she would be glad to be rid off it all together. She knew after all that Gabriel would be her one and only love. There would be no others after him. Her future had ended the day when he distanced himself from her. That was the last cut string.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">With the bandit camp extinguished the trio made it back to the small hideout. The authorities knew nothing of it. In fact, they didn't even seem to appreciate the idea of a band of mercenaries living it large in their forests. But as they started to take notice in a decrease in brigands, bandits and highwaymen they really had little to complain about. The Gutter Cats delivered, with deadly accuracy.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Siri approached Shakti as Suri put her down on a bed made out of large leafs and sawed-off sticks. "Oh", she said worryingly. "Wh-what happened?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Princess here thought that now would be a good time to just end her own complaining by standing in the way of a bandit's dagger", said Suri bitterly. "This one swears that if that man dares to reappear, Suri will..."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"We get it", interrupted Sari, who didn't like Suri's outbursts. "Why don't you go and clean the weapons for now, hmm?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Tsk", scoffed Suri and threw her sword into the arsenal with a loud clattering sound. "This one is going to bed."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Sari just shook her head and focused her attention to Shakti. The oldest sister just seemed to be staring apathetically out into the horizon as if she was expecting something to appear... or someone...

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"What was this about?" asked Siri anxiously.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Guess", replied Sari. "The usual. The insecurity of four months just paid her off, it seems."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"So, it's truly over then?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Sari just raised her shoulders. "This one wouldn't know. She wasn't sleeping with him."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Siri furrowed her brows and glared at Sari.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Sorry", added the sister as she realised that she had just sounded as blunt as Suri. "This one just hates seeing her like... like this..."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Siri tended to Shakti's wounds at the best of her alchemical capabilities, even managing to stop the bleeding before the older sister turned into a shade of sickly pale. "So this Siri", lamented the youngest. She placed a loving kiss on Shakti's cheek and hugged her. "It will be alright, eventually, Shakti. Yes? You... you will find someone else who will love you... someone who can..."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">When it was obvious that Siri's words wouldn't sway her older sister out of her state of indifference, Siri stopped and continued to care for the wounds. She wiped a small tear away from her eye. She wished that Shakti was back to her normal self again. It was scary and uncomfortable to see her this... self-destructive... While she could enjoy trying to live a normal life with Ki'Nai, her thoughts went to Shakti and what she must be going through. Siri had felt for a moment back when she had first been abandoned that her world had ended, yet that hadn't stopped her from believing a future in which she could be happy with someone else. She had found that future in Ki'Nai. To think that Shakti, who was supposed to be the older and wiser of the four, would become this moody after her supposed abandonment was terrifying. Siri enjoyed reading horror stories, but this one was about the far worst as it got too close in on her own life.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"She will make a full recovery by tomorrow", said Siri, washing her bloodied hands in a metal bowl filled with freshwater. "Someone should watch over her however, yes?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Sari knew that that "someone" had to be her. Siri would sleep in the same bed as Ki'Nai and Suri had already gone to bed in a foul mood. "This one will do it", she said as if she had a word in the saying.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">By the time they got Shakti into bed, Sari crawled in next to her, holding her sister lovingly. "Don't give us a scare like that again, you hear this one? Sari... Sari knows it must hurt. Believe this one. She knows it better than most of us, she'd like to think. Sari isn't all 'spread-her-legs with no heart', you know? She has loved a great deal of men. Yet somehow... she has never been able to keep anyone of them. Which is quite tragic in its own right. This one could have anyone, yet was unable to hold onto them. And it just led Sari to become more and more desperate for someone, leading more and more men to visit her. And it just led her to drag herself into more and more disappointment. Yet this one hasn't given up hope yet, you know? And neither should you. You love Gabriel, of that there is no doubt. Otherwise you wouldn't be feeling the way you do. The sadness. The helplessness. The constant questions that you ask yourself if whether or not he is still thinking of you."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">She made a small pause, listening in on Shakti's slow breathing. She was still awake by the sound of it, yet she didn't say anything.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"But perhaps..." said Sari. "It would be for the best. If you just... let him go? You became distanced from one another and haven't been able to rekindle that flame ever since. Do you even remember the last time you spoke to him? If not, then perhaps... it's better to just let it be, no? To let this whole thing, fade away. Become an unpleasant memory. Or a pleasant one, depending on how you look at it, no?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Still no reply from Shakti, though Sari could hear her sniffing, giving Shakti a loving hug.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Sari is still here for you and cares for you. So is Siri. And so is Suri, even though she has her way of showing it. We all just want you to come back and be like you used to be. Do you remember what that was like?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Still no sound from Shakti, but this time Sari could feel her tears trickle down on her hands as she held her from behind, all curled up.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"Sweetie", said Sari sympathetically and kissed Shakti on the cheek. "This one loves you and thinks that she couldn't have been blessed with a better and more caring sister than you. The least you could do for Sari is to show her that you haven't given up on her. That you haven't given up on us, yes? That you won't let some... foul memories or experiences hold you back and get yourself hurt... or worse... Promise?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Shakti turned around in bed to face Sari, but eventually broke down crying in her arms. "This one just misses him so badly!" she sobbed and wailed. "This one just wants him back. Without him... everything just feels so..."

<p style="font-weight:normal;">"This one knows", interrupted Sari. "And if he truly means that much to you, then by all means hang on to those precious memories of him for as long as you can, but do not let them get the better of you, you hear? You wouldn't be jeopardizing your own life, but ours as well. How would we ever manage to go on without you?"

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Shakti sniffed and buried her face in against Sari's chest. Sari stroke her gently over the head. "Let's just rest like this, shall we?" she suggested and held Shakti tightly. "Sari will be here for you tonight. So cry all you need to. The Moons knows that you need it."