User blog:DB Baxter/An Apology

Hey guys.

Over the past number of weeks, you may have noticed that I've been having a lot of scenes recently in chat/PM's, on RP's, and even in steam chats. And, the amount in which I've been having them has grown to an alarming rate. And, for those who have had to put up with those scenes, I'm deeply sorry for the stress and drama that I've put upon you. I know it's completely unfair that I have thrown all of my problems onto your shoulders, and for that I express my sincerest apologies.

I also write up this letter today to tell you that I've been trying to keep calm and remain positive over the past weeks. Truly, I have. And, as you can probably tell, it hasn't really panned out in my favor. However, I'm not going to sit here and try to excuse my actions by blaming it all on too much stress and anxiety, because that's not the case. I've had a bit of an appifany recently. The truth of the matter is that everybody here and a billion other people in the world have the same amount of stress and anxiety on their shoulders, so I'm not special. The thing is that I'm truly awful at managing that stress, and I've allowed that mismanagement to manifest into an unhealthy paranoia of everything that could possibly go wrong for me.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to berate myself and i'm not trying to elicit sympathy from you all. I've simply come to say that I've identified this problem, and I'm sorry for an stress or drama that the problem might have caused.

Some of you reading are probably rolling your eyes, as we've been down this path a million times already. And I understand your frustrations. Trust me, nobody is more sick of DaedraBorn having his daily meltdowns than i am. That's why my 3rd reason for writing this piece is to inform you that I have begun my search for trying to find some way of dealing with my stress and trying to cope.

But, that's where the problem arises. I can't simply make my paranoia go away with a wave of the hand, and a lot of friends and family are less than willing to help me (as they've grown tired of this routine, as well.). I'm unsure of where to even begin, but let it be known that I am trying to find that starting point. And I will keep looking until I simply don't have the energy to look anymore.

In closing, I'm sorry for all the meltdowns that I've had over the past couple of weeks, and I'm sorry for all the stress that they've caused. And, I'll be looking for a solution. And while I do so, I make a promise to all of you that I will try to keep my head up and keep moving foward. You have my word.

-D.B.

(On a side note, I aim to never have another scene with anybody in chat, pm's, or steam chat. I know I've promised it a lot and I haven't kept true to it, but I have no other option but to try. And, in the event that I do have another meltdown, I ask that you simply just ignore it and let it subside. Thank you.)