User blog:Psychomantis108/Corelas and Tobias buddy cop story.

With four hours on a train to Glasgow, my mind began to wander all over the place. I figured I'd start putting the thoughts down on paper.

This is a non canon exert based on an idea that was tossed around during the original LoN, between me and Cicero is Cray Cray where Tobias and Corelas are put together in a 70s cop style story.

How does that work? I have no idea and I'm bloody writing it but just bare with me. :P

IC, Imperial City, a place of vice, sleaze and the worst kinds of villainy that you can imagine. A crime wave has swept all across the city and only the Imperial City's finest can keep it at bay.

Facing this grim reality, the Imperial City no longer needs lawmen, it needs heroes and where else better to look than to Sgt Corelas Adire, former agent of the Thalmor Justiciary, with over 200 arrests under his belt, in 1947 he graciously accepted a key to the city, after busting a huge illegal healing potion operation.

His work into illegal Talos worship and drug trafficking has earned him many prestigious honors but also lead to his downfall. Finding himself drawn to the familiar scent of Daedric Cultists, Corelas raided the great Mad Tea Party of 74, arresting all four of the leaders of the rainy dawn, Sheogorath followers hell bent on chaos. As he arrested their ring leader, they took revenge on Corelas by placing their curse upon him, promising that Sheogorath himself would bring his wrath down on the Altmer. Corelas believed it to be folly, until he got back to the station that night and was partnered with Tobias.

Things have been pretty quiet in the Imperial City as of late, naïve spectators would see this as a time of peace but those in the know are anticipating crime, afterall Sin never sleeps...

Tobias and Corelas were stationed in their car, a 1975 Bricklin SV1, upgraded with a police scanner inside the radio and a portable berry on the top. Corelas sat in silence, observing the road ahead as his narrowed eyes scanned the road ahead, observing the passers by with suspicion as he made his judgment.

Tobias on the other hand was making his first attempt at fitting his entire breakfast into his mouth at once. It was a 10inch tall Quarter pounder with cheese, gurkins, tomato, lettuce, radish, onion, peppers, red onions, ash yams, pineapple, cucumber and four different kinds of sauce as well as some of the pepper spray that he'd put on the top layer. The patty was around four inches thick, filling the Imperial's mouth almost instantly as he buried his nose and chin into the sauce covered extras.

He re-emerged from his breakfast with a red smeer over his nose and a yellow one on his chin, oblivious to this he sat munching away, making as much obnoxious noise as humanly possible.

"It's quiet..." He said, it was almost inaudible, due to the fact that he had his mouth full.

"Maybe too quiet..."

"It's 9AM on a sunday..." Corelas pointed out, rather shortly as his partner's antics were already wearing thin on him. He looked over to the Imperial and saw him attempt to take another mouthful of fatty processed meat. He watched with a mix of interest and disgust as he watched Tobias consume a week's worth of your average human's calorie intake within the blink of an eye.

"That looks..." Corelas paused, finding himself as a loss for words almost instantly, a rare occurance.

"Edible..."

Tobias continued to devour the burger, oblivious to everything else around him as he took another chunk out of it.

"I wish that you wouldn't eat such a poorly constructed sandwich in my new car or at least that you cleaned up after yourself when you did." The Altmer sighed, turning his attention back to the road.

"Anyone would think that I shared this car with a dog."

"Who else are you going to share it with? A date?" Tobias said or struggled to say as he fought his way through another mouthful of quarter pounder. The way that he spoke showed his doubt that such a thing was possible.

"Yes, well, don't bite the damned toothpick at the center again. I am not wasting another day in the emergency room, whilst they pull splinters out of your teeth! I have much better things to do with my time."

"Like painting your boats?"

Corelas sighed, how he longed to be building his galleons back home. His replica of an Imperial Dreadnaught sat waiting in the box, waiting to be unraveled and put together.

The Altmer went back to his, much preferred, silence as he sighed heavily, staring out across the road with a degree of tension in his gaze. He observed the citizens of the Empire's capital as they made their way back and forth, his keen eye on the alert for any sign of trouble...

"Calling all cars, we have a minor disturbance at Stormblade Avenue, a suspected 216 is in progress."

Corelas immediately snatched the scanner's microphone, pushing his finger on the button.

"This is car 77,consider us there..." He declared, placing the communicator in its holster, wrapping his fingers around the steering wheel as he reached down and turned the ignition.

"Buckle up Tobias!" He ordered, looking up to the Imperial, who was still trying to fit the entire burger into his mouth, he figured that it was possible now that he'd taken the toothpick out. Unfortunately, this made the burger unstable and as a result most of its contents slid out and slopped onto Tobias' lap, staining his white flaired pants as well as Corelas' Leather Seats and the car floor.

"Oh..."

"For the love of..."

The Car pulled up outside of the suspect address, an abandoned textiles factory from the sixties, now an empty derelict shell with busted out windows and a scorched interior. Corelas watched it from afar, narrowing his eyes as he began to observe the entrance. Outside was a huge white truck, being offloaded by a number of suspicious looking, shirtless Khajiits.

"So... What's a 2...5...1?"

"A 216, it's suspected drug smuggling or brewing. It looks like we've stumbled upon a Khajiiti Scotch ring."

"Scottish Khajiit's!?" Tobias gasped, pulling out his binoculars and holding them up to his eyes, finding that everything had gone really tiny and drawn out...

...

...

After re-adjusting them, he saw one of the cats unloading the illegal scotch, a shirtless, somewhat muscular Khajiit, with half an ear missing, sporting several earrings in the ear that he had left.

"Indeed, I knew that they'd rear their ugly heads sooner or later. Likelihood is that they're suspicious of any and all activity near their hideout.

"Alright, look for a way inside, a window that we could climb in, maybe an unlocked door..."

"We could just walk in..."

Corelas immediately looked over to his partner, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you... Did you somehow bite down onto that toothpick and lobotomize yourself? Did you not hear me when I said..."

"Yeah but they're expecting customers, if we just play the part, they'll let us inside."

The Altmer paused, quickly seeing the brilliance of that plan.

"Alright but be discrete..."

"You want me to take a shit?" Tobias asked, finding himself confused.

"Wh-What? No, that's excre- Never mind, just... Don't say or do anything, follow me and keep your mouth shut."

"Erm... Okay."

"Good, now, let's go."

Corelas slipped out of the sports car, quickly slamming the door shut behind him as he turned to his right, waiting for Tobias to do the same.

"Ewww... The floor's all sticky..." He moaned, standing up and slamming the passenger door shut behind him, with a little too much force.

The Altmer just sighed, something that he'd been doing a lot lately as he slowly made his way over to the docking bay.

Corelas approached the nearest of the Khajiit, he'd been trained for this, to degrade himself down to their level and blend in to their surroundings...

To walk among them, to be one of them...

"Ahem..." He said, clearing his throat to announce himself as he got the Khajiit's attention. He slowly looked around and raised an eyebrow, wondering what this poncy elf was doing this side of the Imperial city.

"Excuse me sir but I was hoping that you could assist me in acquiring some beverages of questionable character."

The Khajiit just stared at him, wondering if he was even speaking in the common tongue, giving the Altmer a nervous twitch as he tried to process what he had said. The little cogs in his head turned for a good ten seconds or so but eventually came up short.

"U wot m8?"

This was Tobias' chance to step in, pushing Corelas aside.

"Hey, bladskin, me and me homeboy need us some hooch for a rave out by the cornfield, you dig us homeboy?"

The Khajiit just stared at them both, however, he quickly managed to process what they were trying to tell him.

"Och, Ah gie ye noo, yoo're haur tae see jair? alrecht, follaw me." The Khajiit said, turning back to the abandoned factory and immediately stepping in, leading the two of them upstairs. The two Police officers looked to one another, shrugged and then proceeded to follow the cat up the stairs to see their ringleader.

"Jair, some nutters frae th' rainy loom o' morn ur haur tae see ye!" The Khajiit called up as he stomped his way up the stairs, entering the first floor of the Scotch brewing plant. Corelas and Tobias entered the factory floor, what was once a row of sewing machines, tightly packed together, producing poorly made products by people on minimum wage, sat on suitcases was now a row of brews, tightly packed together, producing poorly made whiskey by people on minimum wage, sat on suitcases. How this place had degraded over the years...

The ring leader stood at the center of the room, seemingly coordinating the operation, he looked up with a hint of anger in his eye, annoyed at the fact that he was being interrupted.

"Whit? whit dae they want!?"

"Ah dunnae kinn, Ah can barely kin them tae begin wi'."

"Ye tois, whit brings ye haur? is thes abit th' moon sugar? we willnae be needin' anither shipment fur a month. e'en ye radge bastards main be able tae kin 'at."

Both Tobias and Corelas paused, wondering if they were addressing them or not, Corelas decided to speak on their behalf.

"I heard a confession to dealing moon sugar... I think... That's all that I need to put you away, Jair!" The Altmer snapped, quickly drawing his gun. Tobias, who seemed to be in a world of his own, quickly snapped back into Nirn, prompting him to do the same.

As the two of them drew their guns the entire room suddenly became armed, everyone in the room ducked down under the tables and re-emerged with a tommy gun, ready to blow the pigs away.

"Looks loch yoo've gotten yerself intae a reit mess.

Ye can tak' uir tails but yoo'll ne'er tak' uir skooma!

fire!"

Both officers threw themselves down onto the ground, sliding around the floor, to the nearest upturned table, which was somehow sturdy enough to protect them from the gunfire.

"Erm... Corerlas, think that you could've taken Jair hostage or something first!?"

"I could've but... Erm..." Corelas paused, why the hell didn't he? Oh well, they'd have to run out of ammo eventually.

After a whole solid minute of gunfire, the sweet sounds of guns clicking filled the room as the Khajiit found their guns to be empty.

[I]Thank the eight...[/I]

"Dispense th' ammo cases!" Jair bawled, from across the room, prompting several Khajiit to emerge from behind cover, throwing a large suit case onto the floor, full of magazine drums.

[I]Shit![/I]

"Aight, fire agean!"

The Khajiit continued to spray bullets around the room, keeping Corelas and Tobias behind cover as the barrage of bullets added several layers of character to the pieces.

"Don't worry Corelas, I've brought something for just this situation!" Tobias called, quickly reached into his pocket and pulling out a small box.

The Altmer couldn't help but look up, impressed, the small, rectangular black box could contain any sorts of military provisions.

"What is it!?"

"Drafts!" He called, opening the small case and revealing a tiny tile of red and black squares as well as a collection of tiny red and black magnetic pieces.

"Oh for the love of..."

"Knight to D5!" Corelas called, trying to be heard over the gunfire.

"B5 or D5!?"

"D!"

Tobias looked down, shaking his head and chuckling as he moved Corelas' black knight up to the red square on D5.

"Hehe... Corelas wants the 'D...'"

Corelas tried to peer around the edge of the table, immediately pulling back as a bullet whizzed past his head, prompting him to sigh as he lay back, resting his hand on his orange stomach.

"Bishop to C4!" Tobias informed him, ready for the Altmer's next move.

"Argh... Enough of this, we need a real plan!"

"Like what?"

"Like... I don't know, do you have any tear gas grenades or anything that we could use?"

"I brought my paper weight from work!"

"Your... What!?"

"My paper weight, it's a rock that I found on my way to my job interview. I figured that it was lucky, so I kept it, it's great at weighing down paper."

"Oh for the love of... They have sub machine guns and we have rocks!"

It was then that a thought came to the ALtmer, he quickly raised his hand, beaconing his partner to toss him the paper weight.

"Tobias, throw it to me, I have an idea!"

Tobias shrugged and tossed it over to him, watching as Corelas caught it in his left hand and tapped it with his right finger.

"Fire in the hole!" He called, throwing the rock like a grenade before taking cover.

"Ach, ne! A 'nade!" Jair called, prompting everyone to immediately throw themselves, face first, onto the ground, ducking and covering.

"Now!" Corelas called, jumping up and shooting the magazine drum case, causing the drums to explode and fire bullets in every direction as the heat of the explosion caused the bullets to pop out of their shells and fly out in every direction.

"Ach, dook and cover!" Jair cried, prompting his Khajiit to jump down behind a desk, hiding behind a line of amazingly sturdy tables as the bullets sprayed everywhere.

"Queen to C3!" Jai called, prompting Tobias to move the Black Queen up to the desired square.

"Alright, erm..."

"Knight to D4!" Corelas hissed, getting Tobias to make the move.

"Knight te D4!" He called to Jair, who turned back to his other dealers.

"Knight te D4!"

"Knight te D4!"

"Knight te D4!"

"Shit erm... Rook to... Erm... A2!"

As Tobias made the desired move, Corelas peered around the table, quickly seeing something that made his skin go pale, there, at the center of the destruction was the still, a Whiskey filled barrel that was a sitting duck in a room full of bullets flying in every direction. Now that Corelas had noticed it, it was even more likely to explode as is the case with most cliché comedies.

"Damnation! Tobias, we need to leave!"

"Hell naw, I'm three moves from checkmate!"

"We're all going to be check mated if we don't get out of here, this place is going to blow!"

Tobias looked up and saw what the Altmer was talking about, prompting him to gasp as he jumped up to his feet.

"Quick, run!"

The two lawmen ran through the scorched factory floor, making a break for the front door as they avoided the bullets, which were no longer a real problem, because convenience.

They thundered down the stairs, bullets clicking at their heals as they made a break for the front door, desperate to escape. With mere seconds to go, the two of them threw themselves out of the narrow front entrance and sored through the air, ducking and covering as the entire brewery exploded behind them.

Corelas pulled himself to his feet, sighing heavily as he felt his ageing knees tremble as he made his way across the street, shambling towards the dispatch microphone, snatching it away from the scanner.

"Belwen? Send back-up, we're going to need someone to cordon this district off and clean up."

"Roger Sgt Adire, extra units are on the way."

Corelas sighed and hung up, slowly shuffling towards Tobias, who was approaching the Altmer with a skimmed knee, elbow and a minor cut under his eye, the Imperial wasn't complaining, because the ladies dug scars.

"Well, looks like we'll have to wait for the clean-up crew. Who'll likely bring a mountain of paper work with them..." The Officer sighed, leaning back against the bonnet of the car and hanging his head, gently rubbing his eyes.

Tobias looked around at the large fireball, wishing that he had his camera with him and that he'd gotten it repaired before hand.

"So..." He began, turning his attention back to Corelas as he re-opened his drafts set.

"Red or black?"